So, I just
realised I have seen around 47 films (those that I have counted) from various
genres in the last 4 days. My eyes have become permanently red and I have been
shouted at for that reason by my mother already. So, why did I lose my sanity
and kept watching films at the risk of losing my freelance job(s) and my
eyesight? I was depressed. I was thoroughly depressed. I did not know who to
talk to about this. I started rejecting everything and everyone (even my close
friends, so sorry about it, guys!), and the only thing that made me happy was
the imaginary world of Films. I could be with Don Corleone at one time and in
the next with Julie Powell as she cooks a frenzy. And, then I realised (rather
an epiphany of sorts) the reason I have been so depressed lately is that I
realised I cannot be part of these films for now! I mean not the actual films,
of course I cannot be part of them, come on even I am not that insane to think
thus. I meant, I cannot be part of a crew and cast who can create magic, create
a world where millions get lost everyday, a better world, a world they pine for
yet hate. Why, you wonder I cannot be part of this wonderful, wonderful world?
My stupid back (some nerve problem). Anyway, the point being, that the very
fact I cannot be part of it has been making me so bloody depressed. Why,
am I talking about it at 2:33 in the morning? Well, because after watching
innumerable Romantic Comedies and 'happily ever afters' I realised the only
happily ever after in real life is the one, that one gets when one can do what
they love. So, what if I cannot be part of my filmy happily ever after yet,
there is still time, right? For God's sake I am only 23 and I am not really
aiming to be the youngest anything. I rather have it late than never! Anyway, the
point of my babbling is that it does not matter how your dream gets fulfilled
as long as it does. Ok, so I did come up with another solution to this pining
to be part of a film. Ok, so what do I love so much about Films!!!!??? Well, of
course the story telling part. As far as I remember, I wanted to be a writer
(not that I am very skilled at it, I mean look at it, my blog has only one
reader: me, ok a reason maybe because I do not like to share it...but anyway).
I want to basically tell a tale. And, I realised there are so many other ways
to do so. Animation came to my head. I love animation, anime, cartoon, rather
anything that is animated. (not the emotion though, that just does not cut out
for me...no... :-I) So, now I want to take my sketchbook and paint, draw,
create these small stories which tell the tales of the many tales that crowd my
brain. Well, I am soon to take classes to make that possible. But, somewhere I
think I am very scared. I am scared that maybe I will fail there too as I have
done with Films (to be very honest, I really did not try that hard anyway) What
if I find another excuse to not become an animator (though trust me the aching
back is not an excuse, though many think so!)? Then, after hours and hours of
watching countless numbers of films (and a few anime and episodes from my
favourite series, I know you are wondering when do I get time to do my
freelance jobs...ahem well,.....as I mentioned I have so majorly been messing
them up, anyhuuuuu).....I realised, I am scared, I am so definitely scared, but
what is the point of doing something new if I am not scared. What is the point
of knowing exactly how it will be, or knowing it will be good (or bad) in the
end?? Where is the excitement in it at all? Isn't life better as unpredictable?
It sure is. It is like in a film, you have your intro, then comes different ups
and downs (plot points) and then comes climax where everything seems to go
bonkers, and then comes resolution and the 'happily ever after'. I think I can
patiently wait for my 'happily ever after' because when it does, I want to be
thoroughly surprised as I sit and enjoy my film of a life! :) (with cheddar
cheese and caramel popcorn of course!!!!)