The Big Move
About five years ago, I decided I needed to move to North America from India. Why you ask? Simple. I work with North American clients and have been for years. The constant night shifts were finally getting to my physical and mental health. I had put on a tremendous amount of weight, I barely saw my people and the sun, and in general, adversely affected my wellbeing.
So, the logical conclusion, move to the part of the world where the timezones finally match. Easy, right?
NO!
You see, visas are a real bummer. They take time and money and effort, and a hell lot of luck! Then, let’s add to it a pandemic and sprinkle in some other world stuff. Lovely, isn’t it?
I am not an unlucky person by any means. I have a good life, food on my plate, a roof over my head, and loving friends and family. But I am definitely not lucky. Things that usually take a normal human being, say a month or two to get, it takes me 6/7/8/9 months. So, I have learned early on in my life to have contingency plans. Lots of them.
This brings me back to the big move I mentioned in the title. In 2017, I finally decided I wanted to move to Canada. My extensive research told me the country, and I am a good enough fit. Great. The next step figuring out how. That too after much research was done. Now, all that remained was to start the process, which is exactly what I did.
Remember I told you things take time in my life? Well, simple things that should barely take a month or so started getting delayed by several months. But, I decided to keep having patience and hope. Anyway, these were early days, and I was still a hopeful little bunny.
The initial collection of documents and language tests, which usually take a normal human person maybe half a year to a year, took me 2 years and 3 months! But I didn’t give up hope! Nope! I was hopeful things would fall into place.
Then started the process of the actual application. I did not want to leave anything to chance and hence hired an immigration lawyer. In hindsight, that may have been one of my best decisions. It was a costly affair, but I am so glad I did it.
My lawyer gave me full confidence things will happen quickly and efficiently. I laughed and told her to have backup plans, this is me after all. She brushed off such worries, and we continued with the process.
In November 2019 was the first time my lawyer showed any sign of doubt when a very simple thing that should have taken a couple of days was delayed by a month or so. But, hey things like this happens right?
Cut to March 2020, we have made a lot of progress, only two steps remain and then I am very close to moving. But guess what, the world shut down for everyone. Thus, started the longest wait I have experienced in my life. I mean it was the longest wait for everyone.
My night shifts continued. That happy bunny was now replaced with a burnt-out human being. Like everyone around me, I was going through myriads of negative and positive emotions. But, I tried not to give up hope. Hey, I have made a decision, right? I need to stick by it, or at least try.
2020 was a blur of a year. I just remember I left a very abusive company and was jobless for the last couple of months of the year. I went through anxiety, guilt, anger, etc., etc. etc.
2021 was the year of growth for me. I started therapy and worked in a new company with a wonderful CEO. A very close friend of mine started to freelance alongside me. It helped knowing I am not alone. The immigration work had pretty much been on hold. It was a thought that sometimes haunted me. I was looking forward to the ‘now’ and less to the future.
Just when I was thinking of alternatives to my ‘big decision’, my lawyer popped up from nowhere and told me, “hey, go get your medical done; things are starting up again.” I did the needful. And, then was met with more silence and more waiting.
I was now getting comfortable in this waiting period. It was part of who I was now. “So, when are you moving?” “Not sure; everything is on hold.” My life was on hold. But, truly was it? I was living and breathing and surviving. I was waking up every day, eating, pooping, watching things; I had a life.
After 5 years of delays and anxiety, I finally got the news that I was moving to Canada. Time to start the next phase in life.
Today is Day 47 since I moved to Toronto. I have found a cute studio in downtown Toronto. I am getting used to living alone; generally, things are looking fine.
But, sometimes, I have realised I am still stuck in the “I am waiting” phase. I do not know if this makes sense to anyone else. I get this constant nagging feeling like I need to be doing something more. Like I need to be prepared. The same feeling I have carried in me for the past 5 years. I was constantly preparing for my move here; the constant saving, the constant fear of getting rejected, the guilt over leaving the city I had known as home since my birth, and the subdued excitement of getting to live on my own terms.
Now that I have made the move and slowly settling in, my mind is sometimes glitching. I often wake up thinking I am in a dream and that I will soon wake up in my bed in Kolkata.
I do not know how to describe the feeling. My real life sometimes feels like a simulation, and my past seems like reality. I think it is just the adjusting to my new life that is messing with me.
I am happy. I truly am. I love how I have been able to organise my small yet cozy studio. I love the furniture and knick-knacks that I lovingly chose. I love that for the first time in my life, and I can organise the kitchen exactly how I wish to. I love waking up and breathing the fresh air. I love that the people in the neighbourhood shops and the reception in my building already know me by my name.
I love so much of my life, but that pesky part of my brain keeps asking, “So, I have moved, now what?”
I guess that is what I must figure out on my own!