nostalgia

2017 Chapter III Section 3

Then & Now

[Today I am not doing the weigh-in as nothing has changed since last week as I was sick the whole week and I truly want to talk about what I have written below!]

As I pack my room and get ready to leave on a somewhat long journey, I keep finding my old pictures. I have never been comfortable in front of the camera as much as I am behind it. But, on these rare occasions, somehow I willingly stood in front of a camera and let someone take my picture. 

When I see my old pictures, somehow I see how much I have changed. I have evolved. Most of it is good, but there are things which I loved about the old me, which is slowly disappearing. 

Anyone who sees my old pictures would always point out how thin I was at that point. Earlier it used to bother me, but now I think I have grown a much thicker skin! (quite literally I feel)

When I look at these pictures, I see a more innocent me. I see how so many people so easily used my naivety. I have always been one of those 'helpful' people. I have on so many occasions, done things for others even when it hurt me or delayed my work. I used to do that even with no thanks in return and sometimes after I helped I would hear rumours about those very people talking bad behind my back. 

But, I have obviously learnt. 

One of the things I miss about old me is I used to be a less angry person. I am not sure if it is because of my current situation that has turned me into an old grinch or I am slowly turning into one. But, I do get angry quite quickly nowadays. And, I do not like it. 

I have always hated anger in general, and now I hate it that I do that.

I obviously miss the fact that I used to be quite slim. But, I am more confident in my being than I used to be. I might be the heaviest now, but I have the most confidence in me than ever before. 

I have realised my heart is still the same. I still feel the pains I used, and now I feel them even more as now I understand the truth behind those betrayals. 

I have always had a wall around me but now it is a lot more inviting yet a lot tougher to break (I do not know if it makes sense to you as it made to me). 

Let me try to explain: I do talk to more people and am in general less judgemental (I was very idealistic before), but I do not jump forward to help each and everyone as I used to before. I have become a little picky about whom I let into my heart completely.  

Anyway, I think I still have a lot more growing to do! And, am quite happy with the me that I have become. I just always hope to remember where I have come from and where I want to go! 

On that note, Tata!

TODAY'S CHECKLIST:

  • Exercise: Weight Training, Packing
  • Food:
    • Breakfast: None
    • Lunch: Macher Paturi, Rice, Aloo Gobi
    • Snack: Lactose-Free Milk, Coffee, Cupcake
    • Dinner: Luchi, Kosha Mangsho 
  • Study: Stanford 
  • Read: None
  • Feeling: Nostalgic. 

2017 Chapter II Section 17

WEIGH-IN PART 6

I have been a good girl this week. I did eat a few outside food, but I made sure the amount wasn't a lot. Since I was out of home quite a bit this week; I had to eat outside!  

The week did not start off so well as I suffered from a severe stomach upset the first two days. But, the rest of the week was quite uneventful. 

Today was the start of something important in my life, which will culminate on 23rd. I am hopeful it will be all positive. Let's see! 

Today was rather exciting. 

I met my school friend after almost 12 years! She was my first friend. 

We had fallen out of touch for a while but recently reconnected. It was great to see her after so long. She looks so different from the last time I saw her, but she talks and smiles the same way! It made me miss the good ole' days! :) 

Since the year has started, old friends of mine have been getting in touch with me one way or the other. It feels a bit surreal!

More on that later, I am way too sleepy to function right now! 

Tata! 

THE STATS FOR THE WEEK:

DATE: 17/02/2017

Weight: 85.5 Kgs
Body Fat: 50%
BMI: Obese Class 2
Lean Mass: 42.75 Kgs

Neck: 14.60 Inches
Shoulders: 47.1 Inches
Chest: 44 Inches
Waist: 44 Inches
Hips: 46 Inches
Bicep L: 13.70 Inches
Forearm L: 9.80 Inches
Bicep R: 12.50 Inches
Forearm: 10.01 Inches
Thigh L: 28 Inches
Calf L: 15.20 Inches
Thigh R: 27.6 Inches
Calf R: 14.90 Inches

TODAY'S CHECKLIST:

  • Exercise: Weight Training, 4200 steps
  • Food:
    • Breakfast: None
    • Lunch: Quinoa, Dal, Aloo Poshto
    • Snack: Chia, Flaxseed, Half a Chicken Sandwich 
    • Dinner: Dimsum, Noodles, Rice, Hunan Chicken (MainLand China), I had a little bit of everything
  • Study: None
  • Read: The Confidence Man
  • Feeling: Optimistic 

2017 Chapter II Section 12

Stories of Old & New

Today was a fun day. I was at my friend's place. I met her after almost eight years! I have known her since I was 11! We were quite inseparable when we were young. 

In between for a few years, we both got busy with our lives and did not keep in touch. 

But, I am happy she has come back into my life. I had missed her a lot. She is one of those people with whom I can talk about absolutely anything under the sun and not have to think about her judging me or getting me wrong. 

She has the cutest baby boy now. Yesterday I had gone to a party which was in his honour. He is so cute and has such an adorable smile! :) Makes my heart feel warm. 

Throughout the day we kept chatting, and it felt like I was back in my childhood. 

My brain kept getting confused. It felt like I was a kid again and nothing had changed yet every time I saw her with her son, I knew a lot of time has passed. 

But, it doesn't feel any different. I feel the old and new is nicely blending in together. 

I love it when she tells me stories from the time we couldn't talk. They add to the surprise element yet everything seems familiar. 

It is the weirdest of sensations. I just hope we keep talking and be present in our lives for the rest of our times. 

While talking to her, I realised, though I have changed a lot in the past few years, the good, the mad and the funny things in me have remained the same, and that made me happy. 

On that nostalgic note, Tata! 

TODAY'S CHECKLIST:

  • Exercise: None
  • Food:
    • Breakfast: Oats pancake
    • Lunch: Rice, Shukto, Dal, Alu Bhaja, Fish Fry, Mutton (Promadi's son's party) Awesome food
    • Snack: Tea
    • Dinner: Quinoa, Veggie
  • Study: None
  • Read: None
  • Feeling: Happy and nostalgic. 

2017 Chapter II Section 6

Reading & My Intelligence

When I was young, I used to read a lot. One of the main reasons being, I didn't have too many people to talk to.  Now, don't get me wrong, I wasn't a loner, and I did have a lot of friends. But, somehow I wouldn't be able to relate to most of them. I also had a few bad years in my teenage life, that was mainly thanks to bullying at school. (more on that, in a future blog)

But, to be honest, I read because I loved to read. My maternal grandmother introduced us to reading and storytelling at a very young age. I distinctly remember her reading from books and making us understand what they meant. My parents also encouraged us a lot.

My sister did not pick up the habit of reading as much as I did. Obviously, as a child, I loved reading Enid Blyton, Roald Dahl, Agatha Christie and many more. I even remember that my parents had to build and get a few book shelves because soon I started running out of room to keep my books. 

Thanks to my grandmother, I used to love reading poetry. Though she introduced me to Bengali poetry, I slowly gravitated towards the English Language. I fortunately still have most of my books of poems. 

I remember I had a habit of walking around the room while reading poems. I do not know how or where I picked up this habit, but I still do this. I was also taught to read aloud. I try not to that now! :D

I never really had restrictions on what I could read. So, I remember when I was around ten years old, I had read Preludes by T.S.Eliot. (yes, the original poem, not an abridged version) I am pretty sure; I did not understand the deep meaning of the poem at the time. But, it struck a chord. I wanted to do my P.h.D in English Literature and concentrate on Eliot. 

[That did not happen, unfortunately, but since then, I have read a lot more of Eliot and have discovered many other brilliant poets.]

So, reading to me was my way of feeling alive. I say 'was,' because I think I do not value the art of reading as much as I did when I was younger. 

As I have mentioned before, I was bullied at school. I was 13 when it had started, and it only stopped once I left that school at 15. I had become very depressed at the time, and I used to bury myself in books. 

I remember I was 12 when my father gifted Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban to me. At the time, I had never even heard of Harry Potter. 

I stayed up all night and finished the book. I remember crying. I remember my heart feeling stronger. I also realised I wanted to read more about Harry. [The Harry Potter series holds a special place in my heart. I will talk about HP and my life in a later blog; there is so much to talk about on this topic.]

That year, like every other year, I took my pocket money and my parents to the Kolkata Book Fair and bought the first two books of the series. 

Book Fair was my favourite time of the year. It was my pilgrimage. I would take every rupee I had saved and buy everything my heart desired. My parents would also chip in, of course. I used to come back with bags of books from various genres. According to my father, they were meant to last the year, but I would end up reading them in a few week's time. After that, I would patiently wait for people to lend me books or gift them for my birthday or other occasions. For me, my paternal aunt's house used to be Mecca. Her husband loved to read, and he had a huge collection of books. He was always kind enough to lend or gift me dozens of books. I miss those more innocent and happier times.

So, as you must have figured out by now, I love to read. Or, I would say loved to. I remember loving the quiet time I used to get while reading. Everyone in my family knew not to disturb me while I read. 

I think now YouTube has replaced my love for reading which is rather sad as I feel a little stupider than before. I do not know if there is any truth to it, but the less I read, the dumber I feel. 

I have been trying to cut down on my 'watching junk on my laptop' time, but have been so unsuccessful!!! I want to read at least one book a week this year, and so far it has been a disaster. Like everything in my life I started off well and did finish my quota of books in January but then I fell sick, and now I have become extra lazy! Now, I just sit for hours and watch mindless vlogs! Why why why!! And, some of the things I have started watching make me question my sanity!  -_-

Where have the good old days gone? Or at least the good old me! I remember in college; I had a reading challenge with my friend. She used to claim to read fast and a lot. I did not believe her, and she refused to believe I read a lot. So, over the summer holidays after our first year at college, we decided to read as much as we could. We even had to devise a way to check the actual number of books we read! (yes, I think we might have been nerds! :D) 

My final number was around 33. She refused to count the Manga and other comic books I had read (unfair, they are books too). Otherwise, the number would have been higher. Also, I had decided that was the best time to read The Lord of the Rings and those books are thick, and they take time! Anyway, in the end, I just remember being a much happier person. And, since our numbers were very close, we had called a truce. She is pursuing her P.h.D. in the English language, so I guess she has beaten me in the numbers department now! 

Wow, I wrote a lot more than I had anticipated. I do still love to read. But, I have become lazier, and there are more things to distract me now. As I told you before, I feel there is a connection between my increasing/diminishing intelligence and the number of books I read.

I do need to start getting myself back in the habit of reading! Imaginary or not, I need to get back that feeling of 'not feeling stupid' and reading books always helped me to do that.  

Read more, Arunima! Your brain needs it. 

Tata! 

TODAY'S CHECKLIST:

  • Exercise: Weights
  • Food:
    • Breakfast: None
    • Lunch: Rice, Mixed Veggie, Fish
    • Snack: Pav Bhaji, Mishti
    • Dinner: Dal, Rice
  • Study: Stanford
  • Read: A Clash of Kings
  • Feeling: Nostalgic. Remembering all the good times when I used to read books.